Guilt and Resolution

#4 Tutoring in a LOOONG time 03/21/12 (3:03-5:15)

                I have never felt like I was an irresponsible person.  I kept avoiding to come to the PLC (mainly) because I felt uncomfortable with or rather scared of the whole service learning.  The routine was always the same, except for the one time when I tutored Ayla.  I come in to tutor and come out feeling like I’m a horrible and stupid tutor.  However, there was one thing that helped me overcome the fear of feeling insecure about myself—feeling irresponsible.   Because it took a month for returning to the PLC, my conscience hit me hard.  Even though I don’t have a set, timed schedule of tutoring like the teachers who are getting paid, I still have a responsibility of holding my student accountable and at least coming to tutor regularly.  And this feeling of irresponsibility was more overwhelming than the feeling of insecurity, so it helped me become internally stronger and try harder to help Boo.  

                I don’t think my speaking skills or teaching skills had a dramatic improvement through only four tutoring sessions, but there was an improvement in disciplining my mind.  I started to go over every question with Boo and tried to lead her to the right direction instead of giving her my opinions/guesses.   At first, I thought students would generally prefer getting the answers directly, but I started to think that they prefer getting the answers themselves.   They feel more confident and achieved when they are only led to the right direction by the teacher/tutor and figure out the answer themselves.  This way, I feel less burdened as a tutor as well, which DRAMATICALLY made me feel less pressured.   I think one of the important skills that all teachers should have is presenting themselves as intelligent and well-informed even when they don’t know stuff.   I think it is important to know how to help the students simply by rewording the questions in a brilliant way.  Then, teachers are helpful to the students even when they are not fully comprehensive of what the students asked, and they also get respect from their students.  

                So, the question left to me today is “How to make myself seem like I know stuff?”  It is not necessarily considered cheating.  I’d call it “leading the students to figure out the answers themselves.”  By changing my thought about the concept of tutoring or teaching, I took quite amount of stress and pressure off of my shoulders.  I am going to make sure to come to the PLC every week even if I have to force myself somehow.  I’m going to make my students accountable, and I won’t be an irresponsible tutor. Ever.

-          Jin Kim, 8:00pm 03/21/12