Saturday, April 28, 2012

Breaking of my armor of confidence


#3  Reunion with Boo!  02/22/12 (3:15-5:15)

                I went to the PLC feeling excited and hopeful mainly because I had a positive and encouraging experience last week.   Then, Boo was in school today, so I tutored her this time.  It wasn’t even the feeling of awkwardness between Boo and I.   Well, to be honest, I don’t even know how she was feeling because I was just overwhelmed by my feelings, which were intimidation and worry.   Our relationship was not better or worse; it was the same—the relationship between strangers.   She, again, turned to Ms. Scredan for help, and I had to step up at some point to turn her help toward me.   

                I tried to be more confident about myself tutoring her because I thought the reason I had a better, encouraging experience with Ayla last week was that I was more confident with myself.  However, it was getting harder to be confident as I encountered some vocabularies or terms that I didn’t know when Boo asked me for help.  When I seemed to be struggling to explain, either Boo asked Ms. Scredan again or I gave up and turned to Ms. Scredan for help myself.   It was pretty embarrassing for myself, but I laid it down and decided to study and learn along with Boo instead of trying to teach her.   I wondered if I had to study high school Language Arts before I come in here, but I didn’t know how to study for it or how much I’d have to cover, so I gave up trying to be a “smart tutor.”  Despite much of the hopes and expectations I came to the school with, I returned home with discouragement and low self-esteem again.
-Jin Kim, 6:50pm 02/22/12

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